CHRISTMAAAAS.

OMG its Christmas sooon! i gotta say time does fly by.
This month is so hectik and busy i swear, people buying late presents, rusing through busy and crowded shopping malls looking for the perfect gift, and aiming to buy that perfect gift for someone in less than a day, i got to say people these days should seriously plan out there schedules.
PARTIES PARTIES PARTIES are probably the trademark for teenage life especially at christmas, as they always say party like a rockstar. Non-stop partying until christmas eve is like the best christmas for teens nowadays, dawgging there worried parents at home with their traditional way of spending their christmas eve, sitting beside the fire; telling those famous santa stories; opening presents under the big green christmas tree; eating a big feast of roasted chicken with every single family member to your great great nephew in your mother side to your great great grandparents in your father side and having non stop chats until dawn? isnt it. The typical family christmas eve.

But what about the people who are all alone; no family; with no where to go; how would they spend christmas? A bleak and dark christmas, that doesnt sound right. Christmas is a happy time, a time when family reunions and meet ups is a must; buying eye opening presents for a loved one; and just spending time with close family and friends, telling stories and catching up with the years that they have missed with one another; and also most importantly its the time to show your love to one another; its the only time, its the perfect time.

Its really sad to see people all alone at Christmas, its just so lonely and heartbreaking, having no joy at this special time of the year, which occurs once in a year, is sad. As they always say "people with no sense of joy and fun in their lives can seriously kill them on the inside". So if you know someones alone invite them, or the least you can do is to give them a pat on their back and say merry christmas, its the simplest thing anyone can do but these simple words are the most uplifting words someone can ever give you on that special day of the year, Christmas.

SMOOOOKEES

OMG heey maan! its been such a long time since i last posted something.

Well a lot of shit happened, ups and downs- damn right! its always there to freaking haunt me i swear! Well i just had a lecture because of trying a ciggarette, yea i know right "tsk tsk tsk, cant believe i broke my morals". I full on had a lecture by leanne & full on called Patricia just to have a back up, omg maan but still they are right though. Though knowing me & my personality, i just couldnt help but try. I just love trying new things, its just the best.

Yeah anyways they full on had a speech about it, yea they were right, though my curiousity took over me at that time. Well i also had a "diciplinary big brother talk" with my cousin, haha i love him man though he's going to call my mum if he finds out if i took just even one drag though i can try the "flavoured cigg" just one puff then NONE! and of course i also had a big "no no talk" with vapex, i so wish she wouldnt tell layla - or else i will be dead!. Weirdly, i understand now why people take "drags" when they are so problematic because of life threatening worries of dos and donts. I believe its because of its relaxing release of smoke in your lungs, aagghhh, its very sootheing and harmful as well. I feel very sorry for the people who are so addicted to this and suffers from the life threatening diseases and potential death occurance that can happen in no time. I feel very grateful that i have friends that actually, suprisingly care about me and my stupid actions and decisions that i have made in my life. It makes me feel loved and cared for, i love them so much and without them, i will probably be one of those druggos and drunkies in the streets without any care for the future.

I grauranteed that it was my first and my last smoke because i promised so much people, and i dont want to let them down.

My explanation of love.

What is love to you, is it something that you want to have cause everyone has someone that is dear to their heart? or is it to complete the imbalance feeling deep within your heart? or something that you just want for social purposes and to be known as the stereotypical players and sluts that we have today? or are you just one of those people that thinks love exist only in fairy tales and stories? or are you someone who thinks that love doesnt exist at all? and that its the perfect excuse of fulfilling the need and cravings that we have from our day to day experiences? or are you one of those people who think that we could not be possibly understand what love means because we are too young to experience that strong feeling?

Personally, i think that we cant fully understand what love means, until we are much older "the older the wiser you get" as i always say. ut i also think that we gain experiences from our day to day struggles that adds up in our "book of experiences" in the topic about love. I think that love is the most beautiful thing that you could ever find, its something that is so plainly wonderful which cause you to sleep soundly at night and wake up in the morning with the biggest smile in your face, "its the closest thing to magic", cheesy right!. I think love is something that we cannot rush like after having the biggest painful break up you've ever had and going to some other person to mend the pains that he or she have caused you, is just plain stupid. I think that when you are going into deep relationships you accept all the flaws and differences you have with that someone and just give your all to them, love them, kiss them and care for them, tell them that you love them and never let them go. Cheesy right, but love is just something that gives you that wonderful feeling and also the worst and the most horrible feeling in the world.

Ultimate happiness, happiness that is never-ending and so perfect that gives you butterflies in your stomach. Every time you see that special someone of yours, and when you see that person, you know that they are the one, someone that you can spend your whole life with. You sacrifice everything for them, do things that you've never thought of doing, and do alot of crazy things, and the best part about love is it makes you happy and it makes you feel special. Like a little kid opening the first ever present that he/she has ever got. Your just so happy, and you feel so free and loved at the same time. Its something that you cannot describe its just ultimate happiness.

And when that relationship ends, dont just go to some other person to mend that broken heart. Personally i think that its quite stupid when people treat love as a plain kids game! after breaking up with someone dear to their heart, they go around to some person hoping that he/she can give the love you used to have. I think that its the most lowest thing anyone can ever do. When loving someone its natural that you will get into fights and end up with broken hearts, its the circle of life, something that we shouldnt treat as a kids game, it does leave you with scars that stays there forever and when you find that someone just hold on tight, never leave them hanging, always tell them that you love them, treat them specially, and when you have fights tell them that you're sorry and that you love them very much, and when the relationship is over, just move on. As i always say "theres a reason why your last relationsip didnt work out", because if it did, you wil never meet that perfect someone who completes you, someone who treats you specially, someone that will give you endless happiness. Im not saying that you should just throw everything away, you should realise that every relationship always have its ups and downs, and its perfectly normal to have problems in your relationships, that's why you work them out, they made you happy once, why not again. If it doesnt work then move on, there's a lot people the deserve you, maybe he or she wasnt the one. Theres a lot of fishes in the sea.

LOVE

As people say "love can make you do crazy things" i seriously think this quote is so true. Love is so very ultimately strong. It made innocent people do some crazy things in life, turning them into addicts and causing them to be suicidal. Love such a simple word, but even a very intellectual person who knows all the formulas in the literate word would'nt be able to simplify and explain love. It's like the one word that can represent a something so perfectly and beautifully, such a simple name that was given, with more than a million ways to describe it. Just like us, a simple name for example Sarah, is so simple but even an intellectual person cannot describe this girl even if he gives us a million adjectives, and descriptions just to describe her, knowingy no one can actually describe a person perfectly if you know what i mean, even though its your best friend, spouse, a lover, a pet, or even our family.

Such a simple word, with so much hidden meanings, that can cause the biggest pain in your life. The pain that will not fade away, a pain that will make you breakdown and cry, a pain that will overcome your own descisions and understanding in life. But i have a question, why do we want love in our lives?, knowing all the outcomes and pain that will cause traumatic life threatening meltdowns and depression. Why do we want this? Its something that we crave for, something that we want to have so very much dearly. And when we have it we take advantage of it and simply just put our dear ones away, not even noticing how much love and care they are gave us and when they leave because of our foolish mistakes that created the worst outcomes, we come running back to them hoping that we can have them back and not knowing how much we hurt them and just think about ourselves and not them. We can be so rude and heartless at times, and very unreasonable. I think that its just plain human nature. Its something that we cannot do anything, i guess we should just forgive but never forget.

tatto&piercings.

It’s true what they say – once you get bitten by the piercing bug, you’re going to want more. And more. Until your body resembles a pincushion and knowingly, most people in our society would surely have the wrong expression of you.

It's been about 3-4 months since i got my 4th ear peircings done, and knowing me, im still not contented yet. I want a lip ring, and thinking of getting my 5th ear peircings done again but only the left side. I've been thinking about those piercings since last year and now i'am seriously itching to get it. Sadly, if i did get a lip ring my parents would practically murder me, because of the "asian society and its stupid stereotypical shits"that seriously bothers me a lot. Its pretty stupid because of the Asians' point of how that “Facial piercings will attract weirdos and will drive decent people away,” as my mom said. But just because people have facial piercings doesn’t mean that they spending their spare time doing drugs and just shag people all day long . Knowingly, im not the goody too shoos type of person, you'll know that if you really know me", She wants me to be the perfect daughter who "dresses sensibly and acts appropriately", which iam seriously opposite of that. I'm very tom boyish in some ways and act like i don't give a shit about anything. Like for example, on e day me and my mum were arguing becuase i was swearing hard out to my little brothers early in the morning and got in shits, "girls like you should not talk like that, dont be like those people who are in the streets with so much tattoos and peircing in their faces just hanging and bumming around all day long, without any appropriate education" as my mum stated. And of course i always talk back " Well whats wrong with that, i want a tattoo, then angrily she came up to me then wack!. Well asian parents are allowed to hit their kids as part of their "ultimate discipline" which does'nt work with me anyway.

But I’d never allow my parents to make important life decisions for me, like what career path to take or who to marry, they can have their way with the little things. But never getting another piercing -oh so not going to happen, ill get my lip ring & my 5th ear peircing, but the tattoo part, they can get their own way, just to make them happy.

work.

james.

Dear James,

You're so cool cause you have the same birthday as me, same date, year & month, cool ayes. Youre like my twin, describing you is soo hard, but i know well enough but your not one of those people that i cant describe easily, hmm youre very IMMATURE, dirty minded & also a very nice friend :) i guess thats james for me. We've been through our fair share of ups and down in life, but weirdly we have a lot of things in common if you know what i mean;).

I know that family and friends are like the most important in the world to you, which is awesome and great, its better than being someone who doesnt care for anything. James Intal, you have a little sister called Patricia and i call her tricia for some weird odd reason, and also you have a little brother called Paulo, a dirty minded one of that. You have a very outgoing dad and a typical filo mum. But i know that sometimes you get all insecure because of your family.

We've known each other for 2 years now. You can be very stubborn at times, and when you get introuble or when you are angry you just end up cracking up rather than being all in an "emotional mood". You're into japanese stuff but i know youre not that into them, like before. You're really nice, which is a weakness to you, cause you cant say no to other people. You sleep soo late, just like me. You love phone calls, and goes forever, non stop, talking on the phone, big ass phone bill. You're a good friend, you give good advices & sometimes if you dont know what to say, you just make up other shits and yeah youre a good friend.

Marieeeel.

justanotherday.

Another day goes b,y thank God this term is nearly finishing, i seriously cannot wait for the holidays.But sadly, its gonna be so fcking hot:( eeww. welcome back dark skin, its time for the beach.

I have a clear idea what my holidays will be like, out out, city, city, party, party,beach, sleepover, camping.
yeahs same old same old, and i wouldnt be at home, probably ill stay at home for like 2 days only, like last holidays. But i know its gonna be fun. But sadly, im getting old more wrinkles thank you very muchLOL. Well, look at the bright side im going to be 16 on February i can have my Ls yay.
Well im gonna see the people i call "family" whom i love with all my heart (L) they are the best people in the world, we are gonna have sleepovers, well now its not gonna happen:( poor guy he must be very down, cus of this. & of course city, as usual. weirdly they dont come here, i sacrifice my time just going to the city back & forth thats totals up to 2 hrs ish in the train. sighs see how much i love them (L) but i know they love me too;)
Well im going camping again with family friends,yeah our camping place is near the beach goodbye white skin and hello tanned skin, which got tanned already cus ive been tanning a lot in the sun. i like it, its really relaxing!

I hope that im gonna see my cousins cus they are the best & i love them so much, they are not even my cousins they are my brothers, i thank them cause they are always here when i need them the most but i know one day we will go in our seperate ways:( which saddens me, the person i call my big brother, to the person i call my twin, to the person i call my lil bro and lastly to the person i call my lil sister, which can be really annoying most of the times. I hope that when we grow up with will still be close like we are now (L)

well i cant wait until school is over, GRADUATION ! faar bro, cant wait for that, yeah i know ill be all emotional & cry but thats life. Life is full obstacles that you have to pass, & me being in this place, yr 10, scares me i have to think hard about my future and right now my goal is to have fun while i can, and happily thats what iam doing right now. yeah i dun have a school yet for next year but oh wells, ill find one, i know its crazy i gotta find one now right now, but im really worried about it. all im doing now is to have fun, until i havc no time left.

...

You know what i realised, everything about me is changing pretty rapidly.
Im not the girl i used to be, everything changed, good & bad.
Oh wells thats life. Now, i think a lot of things are shit & lame & mostly the biggest drag in the world. I see things in a different perspective, like seeing the world upside down

I was young, playful & so innocent before everything started cramming in my life.
These stupid shits started coming which kinda made me emotionless, and just plain dead.
But dont really fucking care anymore, its more like a wtf, wth,fck yu, STFU all the time. Couldnt really be bothered as much anymore, fail or pass dont really fucking care.

Trying new things are like the best things in life, good or bad dont really care.
Its like being someone who has no emotions, goals & ambitions in life.
Kinda sad right? for me its more like a go with the flow thing, but watever happens happens.
I kinda get jealous to the people who knows what they wanna be & do in the mere future, and me still figuring out my next move, and thinking about what will happen to my future and shits.

All im doing now is just living my life. You never know when you will die, it can be tomorrow, today and yeah you get the point. I pretty much live through "some quotes" in life. Like "live life to the fullest", "just spend watever you want to spend, cause when you grow up you wont have the chance", "you have a million and 1 reasons to be happy" which i find hard to believe, cause you mostly you see the bad things in life than the good ones & also "important ones come late" LOL.

I get scolded a lot cause of going out too much & spending way too much, aka im BROKE. I get scolded by my friends and family like today, i got scolded by my little brothers saying that ill be poor when i grow up, sure thats true if i dont stop. its not my fault im an impulse buyer LOL i just buy it if i like it, oh wells thats me to you.

Also what pisses me off is that people UNDERESTIMATE me way too much. yeah i know i can seriously act seriously dumb and stupid at times, but i dont think its nice when people will be like "Mariel you're so dumb" and every single comment that is related to that. I find it degrading and a reason to hate them even more. I know its a joke but sometimes it gets way too far and seriously annoying. It like everytime i do something that is "not dumb & stupid" to them its like "OMFG what happened to you, its a joke right" honestly people are good in different areas in life and them saying that makes me feel hopeless and degraded.
I seriously love the people who doesnt make me feel what some people make me feel. They would always make me feel accomplished, happy and revived from my day to day struggles of perfection. With them i can be a person who is imperfect and just be a real person, who doesnt need to worry about everything and everyone. These people are the people i call my "family", they dont underestimate me, they make me feel accomplished ad motivated. Being with them makes my whole week or more, that is how much i love them(L), Without them, i will be a failure in life, becuase of my hard struggles and complications in life, being without them would seriously bring me down. They would always cheer me up when im down and they would always be the first people to hear everything i did and will do. i love them soo much and without them, then life wouldnt be as worthwhile as it would be right now.